I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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