An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
