just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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