...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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