oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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