Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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