think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
