One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
