i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
