im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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