why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
