you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
