if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
