I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
