Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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