I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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