yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
