this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
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Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
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That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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