Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just want to make out with him forever
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
