My brain says no but my pants say off.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
