he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
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Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
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When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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