I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
