I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
