We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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