Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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