Already got asked if we're dating
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
