I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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