i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
