What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
