and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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