these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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