Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
