Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
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Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
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Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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