so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
