Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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