i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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