i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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