Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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