Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
