so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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