i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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