Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
did i walk over a car last night?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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