I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
