Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
