PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
