i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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