hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
