Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Shame - the story of my life.
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