the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
