life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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