Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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