You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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