Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
