Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
