Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
