can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
