Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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