I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
