my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
then he tried to convert me to islam
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I touched a dick in church today
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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