Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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