I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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