i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
