If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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