why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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