You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize