Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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