Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
