I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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