so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
