i don't like sucking hair
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That accounts for only three of the penises
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
