lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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