I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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