and you said cock pushups were impossible
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
