So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
