I'm laying in your front yard are you home
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
