Christians are straight up FREAKS
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
