i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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