every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
