and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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